It is the end of winter, I’ve not yet seen spring

The landlady hails me, I hear my doorbell ring

For what will be, unbeknownst to me, the last time.

I have a box left unopened in permanence

It’s the most stable thing about my residence

As a roof can be lost at the toss of a dime.

I’ve lived here four months short of my record of ten.

I have come to expect not knowing where or when

I will find myself forced to relocate once more.

Too heavy for nomad, yet not sedentary

Just scraping past homeless, housed in uncertainty

This is nothing that I have not lived through before.

Torn away when I dare set down a single root

It’s bad luck or my poor judgment, the point is moot

I feel like I am a garden’s most hated weed.

It’s only been six months since I’ve had this dwelling

My hopes rose high enough to be good for felling

I dreamed I’d leave when wanted, yet I leave for need.

Poverty is an endless race to outrun death

New obstacles come, so you never catch your breath

There isn’t a manner to win this marathon.

A lull in the endless storm isn’t safe harbour

No matter what I do, I’m still treading water

I long for land from which I wouldn’t need move on.

I’m highly over-performant in my distress 

I’ve known running for fear of facing shortcoming 

Producing perfectly, always hiding my stress. 

Until I shattered and crashed in superstar ways 

Persona imploding like a supernova 

A crushing emptiness began haunting my days.  

My titan-like presence, talented youth brought low 

No longer lauded, neither was I applauded 

Yet I found something inside me that can still glow. 

I turn eyes away from yesterday’s superstar 

To peer deep at who I am under all the glam 

And find that who I am has since come very far.  

Given chance, I’d glut myself on your attention

Hungering for how we converse free of tension

This is not missing you: this is starving for you.

Your company is delicious to me anew

I rate it three stars, it’s Michelin quality

But the portions of you that I get are tiny

I am never replete.

Don’t shame my appetite; I crave voraciously

I rarely complain about your lack of plenty

So my rumbling empty ought not deserve disdain.

I’ll learn to savour you – my palate, I will train

I know well that I mustn’t consume you with haste

As you’re not filling, although delightful to taste

You’re a treat, not a meal.

There’s a strange aftertaste when I try you too fast

Salty tears and the bitterness of our shared past

Could this flavour be that which is called decadence

Or am I wrong in how I enjoy your presence?

Togetherness is a recipe hard to make

I’ve erred in its creation and would instead bake

Poison or addiction.

Pungent and repellant, a horror to ingest

I’ll admit you’re better for me sampled, if pressed

It sickens, ample plates of such rich emotion

So I hold on my tongue my words of devotion

Enjoy feeling the flavours burst like a fine wine

And learn to feed into poem, stanza and line

The taste that has this love.

Given sunlight, still I have not flourished 

Missing now that I should but feel nourished 

Making naught that’s worthy being cherished

Save inner work that’s never been renowned.

Frequent falling short awaited greatness 

Brilliance manifests itself with slowness 

Watchers feel dismay, they see no progress

Because it’s with much patience fruits abound.

Orchid sowing, dandelion growing 

Means that soil was incorrect for toiling. 

Often life is effort unrewarding 

Savants unrecognized are all around. 

Blossom beautifully, genius can do 

Should it have the nurture life will give few 

Where my buds were cut begins to accrue 

I’m wreathed, lush, and grow in words profound. 

Water sacred ink through root-like hands mine 

Curl then letters, verses, sweetest rhymed line 

Leaf of paper filled by quiet moon’s shine 

Devotion can release what fear kept bound. 

Felled trees quake their forests with their powers 

Seen or secret, bloom the nighttime flowers 

All potential grows when fed enough hours: 

But minds, like gardens, thrive best in good ground.